Hairdressers

OMG! I went to the hair salon yesterday to get my mohawk trimmed and do you know what they did? They cut it too short! Instead of my 20cm tall green and purple tipped mohawk I now have a short brown stripe along my otherwise bald head. I look like that Puckerman kid from Glee! Not that I watch Glee or anything... So anyway, if you want to get a good haircut DON'T go to "Budget Cuts."

This is what I now look like (and is in no way or form the guy from Glee):

Gangsta Hats

It annoys me so much when I see people wearing their hats backwards, trying to be cool. It's like, dude, come on! You're not a gangsta and you're never going to be. So stop wearing you hat backwards like a dyslexic turtle! It looks stupid. Just saying :)xoxoxoxoxoxo

This is what you look like:

Random questions I answered

A big fan of mine asked me to do this. So how could I refuse?

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say? 
To ensure drivers and riders on our roads are medically fit to drive

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
The boob of the lady sitting next to me ;)

3.Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
Staring at the boob of the lady sitting next to me ;)

4.What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The teletubbies (Mr. McNugget really likes it.)

5.Without looking, guess what time it is
Eleventy nine PM

6.Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
Twelve fourty six AM

7.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The lady next to me telling me off for touching her boob D:

8.When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
10 years ago, I went to get the newspaper.

9.Did you dream last night?
No

10.Do you remember your dreams?
Yes

11.When did you last laugh?
In  1965

12.Do you remember why / at what?
My wife got run over by a tractor.

13.What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Blood splatters

14.Seen anything weird lately?
Besides you?

15.What do you think of this quiz?
Well I could think of several things to complain about...

16.What is the last film you saw?
JB : Never say never 3D

17.If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
The Sahara Desert, because no one else lives there :)

18.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Slaves

19.Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
I have a freckle on my butt.

20.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd make sure that I was the only person alive.

Noisy neighbors are so annoying.

I felt right now was a good time to complain. I'm quite tired yet I cannot sleep because my next door neighbors are so annoyingly noisy. It's so irritating. I opened my window to let in a bit of fresh air (the air that circulates around a room with unopened windows is generally second hand air and that's gross and unhygienic) and next thing you know they're yelling at me to turn off my snoop dogg music! It helps me to sleep! I need it at a certain level to get to sleep, and is that my fault? No! So anyway they are still yelling at me to turn it off! Something about "our kids are in bed and they have school the next morning", anyway I think that's what they said, my music was too loud and I couldn't hear them. But honestly some people have no respect for habits! Do I complain when they try to put their kids to bed while I'm playing my snoop dogg music? No! Jeez. Just saying :) xoxoxoxoxo


PS. I met a Wampire today. His name is Edward Cullen. (Wampire = Wannabe Vampire)
He posed for this photo <3

Mr. McNugget!

This is my faithful companion Mr. McNugget:

Wampires

Why the hell does everyone want to be a vampire? This is to all you deluded, psycho people out there who think they are vampires-Get Real! If you were a real vampire then you wouldn't go telling the whole world about it. Anyway these wannabe vampires (Wampires) are really starting to annoy me. If normal humans keep drinking blood willy-nilly then they're gonna die. Either from a disgusting infection or the fact that blood is not meant to be drunk because one drop can give you HIV and human blood can give you the human equivalent of mad cow disease. And besides the fact that it's WEIRD, I wouldn't like it if someone held me down and tried to bite my neck to suck out my bodily fluids. Just saying:) xoxoxoxo

By the way if you were a REAL vampire I don't think you would want to attract attention to yourself by looking like this:

 

Bladder infections.

I went a whole day without peeing yesterday. Now I have a bladder infection...

I probably shouldn't have told you that.

What is the world coming to?

I must just say that I am rather disappointed that the world didn't end last weekend. I was all prepaired and ready for my decent to heaven. I'd arranged for someone to look after my pet cat Mr. McNugget after I left earth. And I'd spent all my life savings on stupid, useless things like gold plated toilet seats and Justin Bieber albums. So you can imagine how pissed I was when the world didn't explode and kill you all!

Haha I'm just kidding! As if I would believe in any of this end of the world crap! Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. McNugget and I have got some serious complaining to do.

We all knew this was coming

Justin Bieber. 'nuff said.

What's-oh!

Gee-whizz! Teenagers these days! All they do is mope around and complain about stuff- That's the part I like about them. The part I don't like is the blatant rudeness and disrespect. The other day I told this stoner-ish looking looser guy that he looked like a  vagrant. Do you know what he did? Pulled the fingers and spazed at me for calling him a vagina is what he did! I said VAGRANT not vagina you illiterate bastard! But seriously, he did look like a bit of a hobo. Just saying :)xoxoxoxox

I hate people!

Every day I come across stupid people who think they are better than everybody else. Well guess what? You aren't! Every day I get people telling me to "straighten that tie" or "stop swearing in front of young children." Well you know what? Get stuffed! I don't care! You can think what you like but I'm not changing for you! Last week I was trying to sit down and enjoy a nice hot cup of tea when suddenly this A-hole comes knocking on my poor old door and asks me if I want to buy a vacume cleaner! He said it would "Improve my life" WTF? Who says my life needs improving? What a douche bag! And then, the other day, I was in the supermarket, just doing my shopping, minding my own business, when the store manager comes out and tells me that "I can't smoke inside the supermarket" Well, why the hell not? A little passive smoking never hurt anyone, right? So anyway, to all you sanctimonious, control freaks out there-just stop it. Nobody cares if they're "making the place look untidy" or "making a bad impression in front of the in-laws" okay? So stop pestering people and stop complaining. That's my job!

I hate it when people don't appreciated good music.

I was sitting in the park today playing my snazzy snoop dogg rapping music (gee whiz) and i had a group of elderly people screaming at me to turn it off. I mean besides the fact that the song was about wanting to get people in bed with him and had numourous amounts of swearing in it, and the volume was only on 100 so i see no reason why i can't play it. It's good music, he raps so fast i cant understand what he is saying and thats the way i like it. So instead of getting into a fight with these elderly people (who were terrifying, by the way) i turned it off and instead put on some smooth jazz. I hate this kind of music but the elderly people were swaying too and fro. I thought they were going to pass out so i called an ambulance then got a fine cuz there was no real emergency. I mean come on i was just trying to be helpful.

The moral of this story is don't play snoop dogg or you will get abused by old people then get a fine for calling an ambulance.

Forks

Forks are annoying. Every time I try to eat with one I get stabbed in the mouth. And it's not because I forcefully shovel food into my mouth either. No. Forks are dangerous, infernal contraptions that cause grevis bodily harm. Which is why I now eat with plastic spoons. They're cheaper and safer to use. Also they're disposable so I don't have to bother cleaning up. And that is why I hate Forks. Just saying :) xoxoxox