My Mother

Today I went to the nursing home to visit my mother. Something I haven't done since I turned 80 (mostly because I'm scared they might try to put me in a home) but I thought I'd start making an effort because my old mother is probably going to die soon (yay) and I want to suck up to her so I can get a lot of inheritance money. It'll actually be about another 50 years before the old bag carks it, but I want to get in there before my older brother, Unis, does. I have to make sure that I'm the favourite son so I can get more inheritance than him. It will be tough, though, that old bag is a bit of a complainer (where do you think I got my talent from? My father? I don't think so) and it's very difficult to please her... but I think I can pull it off. So long as Mr.McNugget doesn't get anywhere near her. Ever since the first day, when I rescued him from the Chinese Takeout Store and brought him home with me, she's hated him. Poor mother came home from a hard day working as a receptionist at the Rubber Band Factory to find that young Mr.McNugget had taken a poo in her favourite pair of slippers. It was my fault that he had diarrhoea (I thought that it was a good idea to feed him ice-cream). But anyway, I have to go now, Mother wants a cup of tea.
Stupid old hag...
Also, she thinks that my blog is stupid...
Grr...

This is my mother, isn't she charming?
Not really.