Many of you young fans may have been wondering why I haven’t been updating my bog lately. Well, that is because I’ve just had a short stint in hospital. Yes, that is right, I -The invincible ComplainativeBastard- was in hospital.
It all started on Sunday the 6th of November. I’d just finished two consecutive blog posts -ranting about ComplainativeMan and his nefarious antics –and I had spent three hours sitting at my computer, Blogging, watching missed episodes of Home and Away, and Google searching pointless things. But when I got up out of my chair I felt very light-headed (which is strange, my head is usually quite heavy because my head is actually bigger than normal and very disproportionate to the rest of my body) and after taking a couple of steps towards the bathroom (I really needed to pee, six cups of coffee and three straight hours of sitting will do that to you) I fell right onto...The couch, (narrowly missing my sharp dagger display, toxic waste pool and pile of broken glass) thank goodness, I was safe... But then I passed out.
Thankfully, Mr.McNugget (ever so faithful) managed to call an ambulance. I was rushed to hospital. In the E.R., the doctors so smartly diagnosed me with “Hyperscreenoptichtricia.” I wasn’t so sure, it sounded made up to me. Anyway, they said that I needed to stay in the hospital for a few days just in case I had anymore dizzy spells. I wasn’t pleased about this but they said that the food was free so I consented. Once I was tucked safely in my bed the doctor explained to me what Hyperscreenoptichtricia was. As it turns out Hyperscreenoptichtricia is a condition that you get from watching too much Television, Computer or Gaming. The symptoms are dizziness, fainting, random fits of anger, square eyes, involuntarily falling asleep, rude and annoying flatulence, slow reflexes, loss of hearing, raging headaches, bouts of diarrhea and constipation, swelling of the eyeballs, sneezing, extreme hunger, weight gain, continuous complaining, hallucinations, clumsiness and itching. I was stunned, I had all the symptoms. I’d always thought it was just because I was old, but now I know the truth. I have Hyperscreenoptichtricia. The doctor also told me that I was no longer allowed to watch Television, play Playstation or Blog. I lied and said that I would not do any of these things. The doc’ seemed pleased with my obedience and proceeded to hand me the TV remote, before leaving the room. Was this guy for real? He’d just spent half an hour lecturing me on the dangers of watching television with my condition and what does he go and do? He hands me the controlling devise for the TV on the wall right in front of my bed. Well, I guess that watching TV is all that there is to do when one is in hospital. But still! That doctor was an idiot! And I was stuck watching daytime television for a whole week!
It wasn’t all bad, though, Mr.McNugget came and visited me (he wanted to take photos but I wouldn't let him because of how terrible I looked). And there was a lot of complaining to do. From toilets to pudding cups, if there was something wrong with it, I was complaining about it. But eventually they got sick of me and I was sent back home.
PS. When I got home I found that Mr.McNugget had been throwing parties without me knowing and he’d trashed the place. Little ratbag!
PPS. Hospital pudding sucks!
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