The Visitor

Good lord! I’ve just received some terrible news. No, no, don’t worry. I’m not dying. It’s far worse than that. My older brother, Unis is coming to visit me. He will be staying with me for three weeks while his luxury condo is being renovated (rich prick) and he has ordered me to get rid of Mr.McNugget for that period of time. He has hated Mr.McNugget ever since he ate Unis’ pet Guinea-pig when we were children.  I don’t know why he has held a grudge against him for all this time but that is not the worst of it. After the unfortunate death of Miss Fluffles my mother let him buy a pet that she thought would not be eaten by Mr.McNugget. The Rottweiler’s name was Beefy and, sadly, Mr.McNugget ate him too. I thought it was all utterly hilarious but, unfortunately, Unis and I don’t share the same sense of humour.

Despite me being the more likable and charismatic (and not to mention drop dead handsome) of the Bastard brothers, Unis was always the one to come out on top. Literally, when we had to share a room as kids he would always get the top bunk. And I’m telling you, it was never any fun for me when that weak-bladderd simpleton wet the bed. Anyway, as the years passed it became clear who the more successful brother would be. Unis is now a multi-millionare and owns six homes in each country plus three on the moon. He has a hundred different blogs (all more lucrative than mine) and has connections to ten different street gangs including the Hard-Ass-Piglets and the Lettuce-Killing-Spinsters. Also, he looks younger than me (but I suspect he has been having plastic surgery done because there’s something about his face that just looks wrong). Honestly, I don’t really want to elaborate much further on how much better he is. I’m just going to lock myself in my room and cry until he arrives in his private jet. I hope it crashes.

Just Saying:)xoxoxoxoxoxo