Deceiving Unis

It has been one day since I posted about my brother, Unis coming to stay with me. He still hasn’t arrived yet. I’m beginning to think that maybe his plane did crash (something I honestly have no problem with). Thankfully this extra time has allowed me to come up with a plan on how to impress him (so I don’t look like such a looser when he harps on about how rich and successful he is). So with my genius mind and a little help from Mr.McNugget I have come up with a fool-proof plan to success:

1.       A hot girlfriend. If there is one thing that Unis has always failed at, it’s getting girls. I on the other hand, have also always found it hard to attract the opposite sex, but I have a way around that. If you have ever seen the Twilight movies you will have observed how Bella is always falling at Edward’s feet. The same rule shall now apply to me as, right at this moment, I am undergoing a makeover to look like Edward. With my new Vampire allure all the sad, lonely, pathetic Bella’s of the world will be falling at my feet.

2.       Getting rich. This one is easy as I only have to pretend to be rich as opposed to actually earning money. All I have to do is photocopy a few bank notes and flash them at my brother about say; 20 times a day and he will think that I actually have that much cash. I just have to be careful that Mr.McNugget doesn’t actually try to spend the fake dollars (he’s already been jailed for fraud and I don’t think I have the money to bail him out again).

3.       Gang affiliation. This is the most difficult and dangerous step. Mostly because every street gang in town wants to kill me (something I have not yet blogged about but if you stay tuned you might get the full story). Anyway, to get around this problem I have decided to make up my own gang. We’re called the Complaining-Bastard-Nuggets and so far Mr.McNugget and I are the only members. But if you would like to be in the coolest new gang in town, feel free to join. Mostly we just wander the streets (in our cool gangsta outfits) and complain to random people. It’s more dangerous than you think, this morning I told a middle aged lady that her skin is starting to sag- she hit me over the head with her purse and then proceeded to kick me with her pointy stiletto shoes.

I hope this plan works. I went to a lot of trouble to come up with it (almost 20 minutes of thinking). PS. This is my sexy new Vampire look. Watch-out ladies!

Hot damn!