The Cat show

Yesterday I took Mr.McNugget to a cat show- no, hold on. Don't judge me yet. I'm not one of those crazy cat people that treat their cats like Barbie dolls.- there was a $1000 cash prize for the best cat. I knew I had it in the bag, Mr.McNugget is the most adorable, friendly and well behaved cat I know. And I know quite a few cats (okay only about 3, but who's counting?). Anyway, guess what (you'll never guess, it's bloody ridiculous) Mr.McNugget... Did not win! I know, I know. Hardly believed it myself really. They said that he was the most under groomed, intolerable, ugly (that one was quite harsh really), badly mannered, misbehaved, smelly (now they're just being mean), disgusting, grumpy, hideous, ridiculous-looking, stupidest cat they have ever met. But what would they know about cats anyway? Stupid cat show judges with their PHD's in cat phsicology. Pfffft!

I mean, look at this picture of him, he's adorable!

I hate children!

Recently it has come to my attention that I hate children. This last week I have had to look after a sick orphan child whom I nearly hit with my car whilst driving to the liquor store for more booze. Luckily for him I missed my target by about a meter ( what can I say? I was drunk) and he got away unscathed. Alas, some natty old woman witnessed the whole thing and threatened to call the PO-PO. So I lied and told her he was my grandson and I wasn't trying to run him over, we were just having a little fun. With that I had to load the skinny little runt into my car and take him home with me...
And for the past 5 days he has been eating me out of house and home, sneezing and coughing all over my furnishings, terrorising Mr.McNugget and ruining all my delicate linens. Not to mention forgetting to wipe, flush and wash hands after using the bathroom!
Tonight I've promised him I would take him to Mister -Mc Funnigins -Funhouse -Play -Centre- for -Fun -Kids. What he doesn't know is that I plan to leave him there...
Good riddance!!

The truth about ComplainativeBastard

You heard it here first, I'm writing a book. All about me! From my troubled childhood to my days as a famous swimsuit model. Also featuring the infamous car chase scene with Mr.McNugget and details of my movie. All the secrets about me will be reveled (for the low price of $99.99) with this special one time offer. My book is due to be released on Christmas Day this year. Order now!

(original price $100)

A day in my house

I thought I might write a bit of touching, deep poetry. So here goes:

A day in my house,
Complaining.
Mr.McNugget,
Complaining.

Sleeping with the roaches,
Complaining.
Doin' the laundry,
Complaining.

Watching television,
Complaining.
Eating my dinner,
Complaining.

Complaining.
Complaining.
Complaining.

I think I should get an award for doing more frequent blog posts than most other blogs...
Just Saying :)xoxoxoxoxoxo

Warning! Complainative Man!

Recently it has come to light that there is another Professional Complainer out there who goes by the name of "Complainative Man". This guy is a fake! His blog is nothing but a complete rip-off of mine. He's trying steal my life. Not to mention his pet cat Mr.McFlurry (gasp)! For months he has been copying me and my goings-on. But the buck stops here! If you ever see him or hear from him, just know that he is an impostor. I have supplied a picture of him and is cat so you know who the fake guy is:

This guy is such a phony, and his cat is just hideous!

P.S. "Complainative Man" if you are reading this, (and I know you are because you always read my posts and then copy them) I am on to you and you wont get away with plagiarising my blog. If you continue to copy me I will give you a telling off you will never forget (just ask Mr.McNugget, he will know all about that). I just had a new pacemaker put in and, trust me Mr, I will bring the pain!

My New body

For the past 3 months I've been trying to get into shape by dieting and using my ab-blaster-3000. And it has finally paid off. Oh, and Mr.McNugget has been using it too. Look at us now: